BROCKTON, Mass, April Fool’s Day, 2026 /EMI Newswire/ —
Evans Machine Co., Inc. (“EMI”) (www.emievans.com) is now operational with a new machine-free machining technique called MentalMachiningtm. The new touchless capability allows EMI to create perfect parts down to the sub-atomic level for North America’s advanced manufacturers. A world’s first, EMI's newly perfected technique combines aspects of quantum field theory, mentalism, spooky action-at-a-distance, spiritual enlightenment, and the paradox of Schrödinger's cat.
In today’s competitive business environment, advanced manufacturers must balance raw materials pricing fluctuations, unpredictable customer demand, an uncertain regulatory environment, a shrinking trained labor force, and the unrelenting imperative for faster output without consuming additional resources.
EMI’s new MentalMachiningtm directly addresses the latter two concerns, opening up entirely new classes of labor to fabricate the future while cutting that fabrication time to nearly zero.
How it works is actually not all that complicated. Both EMI’s traditional and new, semi-trained employees simply wish for the raw material to shape up, get with the program and rearrange itself according to what the drawing says.
Dan Evans, Jr., EMI’s President, explains “Just the other day, one of our MentalMachinists – that’s what we call ‘em – concentrated really hard and turned 2¾” round acrylic bar stock into 350 finished parts for a medical device customer. She accomplished this in between bites of Crunchy Cheddar Jalapeno Cheetos, so our productivity is off the charts.”
The best part is that once you train someone how to read a technical drawing they can get to work making basic parts.
“Most machinists are already pretty ‘mental’ so getting them to work in this new way was actually fairly easy,” says Tom Roach, EMI’s Operations Manager. “The real HR gains are in accessing an expanded talent pool. We’ve had a lot of success with telepathists, diviners, psychics and some classes of crystal ball gazers.”
Some of EMI's newest employees.
“Think Uri Geller, the 1970s famous spoon bending mentalist, and then take the next step to MentalMachiningtm the most topologically challenging part you can imagine,” says Dan Evans, Jr.
Not content to rest on their laurels, EMI has already embarked on a research program to answer two key questions: (1) Does the MentalMachinist need to theatrically press their fingertips to their temple while closing their eyes for this technique to work? And (2) will other flavors of Cheetos have the same production efficacy?
Tom Roach concludes, “We understand that Frito-Lay has marketed more than 150 different flavors of Cheetos globally, so we’re really at the beginning of the MentalMachiningtm revolution. Don't hesitate to contact EMI today if we can help you choose a flavor and/or help you make some parts.”
A family business since 1968, Evans Machine Co., Inc. (EMI) is an ISO 9001 certified precision machining & assembly contract manufacturer and machine shop. With 50 CNC machines, EMI serves advanced manufacturers across a broad range of industries, including Defense, Food Machinery, Semiconductors, Medical, Scientific Instruments, Metrology, and General Industrial. EMI occupies some 50,000 square feet of manufacturing and warehouse space, including Class 8 wash and clean rooms for sterile packaging. Learn more at www.emievans.com.
Adam Persson, VP Sales & Marketing
T: 508 584 8085 ext. 230
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